DADS; the first men we come to love, trust and respect. They are our protector and our stone path in a pond of mud. Someone we are supposed to look up to and get advice from; which we do occasionally. We take advantage of them more than we should [ as teenagers, we just don’t care or see the true purpose of hidden life lessons; definitely guilty in my situation ]. All they want is for us to be happy and successful. Dads are amazing people, truly they don’t get enough credit and I think it is time [ in my life especially ] they get the recognition they deserve and get treated like the great people they are. [ I didn’t take my Dad for granted up until this point, I just share it differently now ]
[ WARNING: this is a very opinionated post ]
Daddy’s girl; what does this even mean? [ mama’s boy; same thing, but I am speaking for me and my experiences and observations. ]
- A girl (adult or child) who has a strong bond with her father, typically the bond to her father is stronger than the bond to her mother, the term may sometimes infer that she’s been spoiled as a child.
As the years go on, the definition of this has changed extensively. [ Back in the day *insert dad joke* ] It used to mean a daughter who loved her father; now it essentially means a daughter who is spoiled by her father in every way fashionable [ not every daughter I know but read on ]. Father’s seem to be on the receiving end of the almost all the guilt trips in the parental unit; especially when they have daughters. What Dad will say no to his daughter; MINE! *raises hand* But for some, their father wouldn’t ever say no; because they want their child to be happy, but then it is used against them. [ because someone didn’t get something they wanted or they just plainly wanted something; Dad to the rescue. ] ALL Dads love their daughters [ no questions asked ] and they would do anything for them to make sure they are content in life; going in a forward motion. But sometimes this is being taken advantage of when it shouldn’t be. Things don’t matter in ten years, its the lessons you learn; especially those lessons learned from a father [ when you don’t even know it ].
From my childhood to being a dramatic teenager, I’ve been able to bond with my mother in almost every aspect in my life; she was my best friend. My Dad? Not so much, or at all. He was always my father, just from a distance. Sure, he was always there to help me with my math homework [ I literally would call him crying, over stupid fractions, and he drove three hours to help me ]. But he was also the one to lay down the law when I was in trouble. I saw him as the business side of the parental unit. Call Mom to talk about the drama and call Dad when the car broke down.
Lets not sugar coat it; My father and I haven’t ever been close. I wasn’t ever a ‘Daddy’s girl.’ I am the oldest of four [ 2 brothers, a sister, and myself; order: myself, brother, brother, sister ]. My Dad never really taught me anything in my childhood, he worked shift work, my Mom ran a catering business; our family never went camping or did family outings, there were no ‘Dad and me” days; no traditions, we never did sports. My siblings and I fed off each other to learn new things, each of us were into different things, so we learned it that way. Don’t get me wrong, I have an incredible father, a BRILLIANT man [ I mean the man can do everything, I am blown away at the skills he has ] who dedicates his life to his work. But I never relied on him the way I did on my mother. She knew every single one of my friends’ names, where they lived and their backgrounds. My father knew none of this. [ they divorced and I never shared information with him ] My mother left my father in grade six [ don’t ask me my age because I try not to remember and suck at math ]. We were a weird ‘broken’ family; my parent’s divorce threw a lot of unwanted slack around. I was given the choice who I wanted to live with; and I chose my mother. Who could live without their mother; especially if their father never was the apple of their eye, at that point in my life I needed my Mom. I felt like my Dad didn’t know those emotions. We saw our Dad sporadically [ a couple times a year minimum ], but I chose not to see him as much as my siblings; because I was an emotional teenager and it was a messy time in all of our lives. He supported us kids to the best of his abilities. Looking back on the whole separation, divorce and living with my Mom without my Dad for 12 years; it all makes me see my Dad and I better and closer today; especially within the past four years. [ since I had my first child ]
It was as though in earlier years he and I spoke two different languages. His old-fashioned nature perfectly contradicted my naïve outlook on the world. We disagreed on everything from politics, religion and picking a restaurant for dinner. Fast forward to now and my life is opposite from before, my Dad is in my every day life and my mother is in Saskatchewan. [ no grudges to either parent; every day I am learning ] Even now, I don’t call my Dad and expect him to bail me out of every situation, I don’t ask for money, I don’t ask for him to resolve my life issues; but collectively we can decide to work as a team to make my life; and my life with him in it, better for the BOTH of us. It has been tough love since the start. He has always been hard on me but I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for his tough life lessons.
I love my father, after all he is the only father I have and will ever have, and I know he would do anything in his power to make sure I am where I am supposed to be in life [ me and my little family ]. I mean right here, right now, I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for him. But I wouldn’t use it as leverage to get things in life I don’t deserve. We usually always work something out so that he isn’t handing me the trophy, while he is losing out on everything. We benefit each others earnings and decisions. It isn’t a one-way street, ever. [ examples are: he bought me my first car, but I paid him back in full at the end, multiple years later but I did it! ]
There are many reasons why I would like to thank my Dad for not letting me be a ‘Daddy’s girl’; I work hard for myself and my family, I know the value of things and I know the strength of respect where it is needed and returned. I have worked hard [ Connor has worked hard ] to get to where we are in life. We have worked for everything in our life, we bought our first house at 21, Connor was a journeyman welder at 21, kids [ x2 ], another house three hours away from the last, its all to OUR name; and my dad guided me to where we are today. How does it help anyone and their independence when they get handed everything on a silver plate? Having my dad teach me what he has today, how to work for something and earn it myself; it’s a life skill that I will always carry with me. One of the hardest things I have had to learn is value. How do you value someone’s time if you have never had to give them yours? [ my life story ] Giving and receiving is a lesson we were taught back in kindergarten, “Sharing is caring, right kids?” That saying is drilled in my brain, but it’s not because of my kindergarten teacher, I knew it before then. My Dad taught me how to have a balanced conversation, he taught me how to truly listen and actively respond [ I still have his anger, but it gets the job done when it needs too; sometimes ] , and he taught me how to understand the value of people and things in life. This skill takes real life skill.
The one common thing I see in all girls who have their Dads in the palm of their hand, is that’s how they see everyone else. If you can’t respect the man who helped bring you into this world, how are you going to respect the next man who loves you, or even your best friend? It’s not fun to be used; it shouldn’t be something people think they can get away with. Respect is the building block of any relationship. If you have no respect, you will never have a relationship that can build into something great. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
My Dad was NEVER the cliché protective type, who got out his hunting gear when I introduce him to a guy, nor did he ever get emotional, ever. [ His famous firm grip on your shoulder was his appreciation for you; that’s it that’s all, rarely a little hug. ] My Dad and I don’t have the same father-daughter relationship that any other duo I know of, and growing up, this bothered me. When I was a teen, I couldn’t understand why he wanted me to get a job when my friends’ fathers were buying them cars [ like I said he did get me a car, but I needed a job first; and I had a job ever since, up until the birth of my kids, in between the two, and after Lennox ]. If everyone else’s Dads were like that, why wasn’t mine? The thing is, my Dad could tell me no. He would call me out if I was acting like a spoiled brat. He didn’t baby me; he made me work for everything I wanted; even from afar.
In conclusion, I will never be a true ‘Daddy’s girl’; I am his daughter, yes. But I will never be the type to kiss ass to my father or use anything against him [ and I have apologized if I have ], and he will never be the type to spoil me. [ he now has grand kids for that, and he is pretty great to them ] We are a team. And it turns out, not being a ‘Daddy’s girl’ is pretty great. He didn’t buy me my happiness because he knew that I would learn more about life if I worked for what I wanted. He didn’t play favorites with me so I could become a stronger and more confident individual [ he was hard on me from the start ]. My father and I don’t obviously show our affection to each other; we never really have. We’re both have reserved yet stubborn, opinionated personalities who disagree easily when we’re together [ the sass is REAL ], making us fire and ice, it gets interesting; A LOT of times but that’s what makes us closer than any other father-daughter duo I know.
And for these reasons and many more, he is the best [ and most embarrassing ] man in my life. And this took my 24 years to appreciate. Better late than never;
The Non-‘Daddy’s-Girl’ Daughter, But Nonetheless Daughter,
[ *My dad probably won’t ever read this, ever.* But I wanted to share this anyways. And for anyone who has lost any parent, my heart is with you; the strength you have to continue your journey is truly admirable ]