As soon as I found out that I was having two BOYS; the questions became eminent; “Don’t you wish you were having a girl?”, I mean in the beginning sure, who doesn’t want the picture-perfect family; mom, dad, son and daughter. But after having Lachlan I knew the all boy route was the greatest route for me. [ that and because my husband’s family has a curse of boys; all boys. ] But no complainants here. “How can you handle only having boys?” How do I handle it? Well you see, when you get pregnant you don’t really get to decide what the gender is of your baby. [ no matter how many sex positions google tells you ]. You have to suit your life to whatever you have; boy or girl. Blue or pink. With boys, I just go with the flow everyday. It’s pretty great, boys are seriously the best. So easy [ not always but 80% of the time ], fun and always keep you on your toes. And then, the most common question; “Are you going to try for a girl?”, no, my sister scarred me from having girls, because of those dreaded teen aged years; she had a tough life… NOT AT ALL, been there done that, I was a teen aged girl once too; and have since apologized to my parents. [ but no more boys or girls from this uterus; finished with that aspect of my life ] Bottom line is you ultimately just hope for a healthy happy child, and while the rest of the world is very caught up in the gender of your unborn baby, you have to prepare for whatever life throws you. [ koodos to people who don’t find out the gender, patient people you are. ]
It just so happened that I was graced with a wonderful crowd of princes [ I truly mean that ] and I couldn’t be happier now that I’m a BOY-MOM. [ cliché, and absolutely no shame; it’s the greatest, and mothers of daughters will protest against me. ]
When people question me on the topic of having another baby, in hopes of adding a girl to my home made crew, I just tell them all the reasons why having boys is the best. Here are a couple of those reasons:
- You will never run out of penis names, and it will always be funny.
- Cleaning poopy diapers is hard enough without having to learn vagina origami. [ saw this on another blog, but it’s the dead truth! ]
- They will always think you’re the best cook ever and even if your cooking isn’t the best they’ve tasted, boys will still butter you up about your culinary capabilities just to put a smile on your face. You only have to ask my boys who makes the best pancakes in the world for a glimpse of their true loyalty.
- When your son grows up and decides to marry, as a mother, secretly you get to decide whether you want to be a good witch or a bad witch [ monster in-law ] to your future daughter-in-law.
- And most importantly; BOYS CANNOT GET PREGNANT. Yes, they can get girls pregnant but I sure a hell hope my kids are smarter and have thought through the situation to know the right time and the wrong time
- Their hair, I can’t do my own hair never mind hair on someone else’s head. I just shave my boys heads every 6 months. Done deal. [ easy peasy ]
With that being said, having boys isn’t a walk in the park. [ and when you do walk to the park you have to carry them back. ] When I tell someone I have two boys, a four year old and a two years old, first thing ANYONE says is; ‘Oh you must have your hands full’, yes thanks, my kids are accident prone, they always are running and screaming; I am definitely that mom in the grocery store who has two screaming banshees following me around; I basically pretend they aren’t mine. They embarrass me, they humiliate me, they show me up in certain things and they argue until they can’t no more; but they are mine and I am so proud of my littles. So proud. And I wouldn’t have it any other way; a boy-mom is legit the definition of my life.
I have put together some other average points on being a boy-mom; some of the perks, some not so much:
- There will be pee EVERYWHERE; I mean EVERYWHERE! On the bathroom floor, behind the toilet, on every wall around the toilet, all over the seat that they ‘forgot’ to lift up because they hold their pee until they are practically peeing on their way to the bathroom. Apparently, it takes an ounce of an attention span to not splatter the entire bathroom while urinating, every time; especially when you are a toddler [ potty training was an interesting experience, how does one without a penis teach their kid who has a penis, how to use it?! Riddle me that ]. It’s incredibly easy and convenient for boys to be able pee behind a tree in the park. [ or in the middle of the field; bare ass hanging out! ] Also I would like to add, that Cheerio trick in the toilet or targets, just allows them to get creative with peeing and its not cute like Pinterest says. Not unless you like cleaning, a lot!
- Having boys means awkwardly shouting ‘don’t touch your penis‘, multiple times a day. They are always touching it, pulling it, speaking to it, or laughing about it. Boys will be boys and quite frankly they will never grow out of that. [ On top of telling your child to keep his hands out of his pants; you are screaming at your husband, the. exact. same. thing. ]
- A girl’s wardrobe can be frilly and cute. But boys? Well, there are pants, shorts, shoes and t-shirts. There are no ‘outfits’. Everything, essentially, goes together. You can have some cute outfits for boys, but you need only five at most, the rest is casual. Or they are naked. Pants are always optional. And by optional, I mean discarded at the earliest possible second of freedom and every opportunity possible.
- Boys are hands on communicators. There’s the jumping off furniture, the rolling on each other, that “hug” that turns into a full-body running tackle, smashing heads together; the list goes on. It’s often how they connect and express affection, its usually violent. Exhausting? YES! But it is totally normal and healthy; a total little boy mentality. This kind of physical interaction happens for them to create their positive relationships [ through violence, who knew?! ]; even if it means stuff around the house is going to get broken. Things are replaceable, but your kid’s memories are not. [ That lamp won’t matter in 5 years, but they will always look back on their pro wrestling matches ].
- There are boys and there are coffee tables [ and they can never be happily or untouched together ]; they often lead to bruises or stitches. You will learn to know the dangers of coffee tables and there will be a couple times when you’re just a second too late and you land up driving to the ER. Don’t blame yourself; it’s a rite of passage for all boy moms. We already can’t count our emergency trips on two hands anymore and we are four years in. [ when Lennox tries to do everything Lachlan does, that’s usually resulting in an injury, GUARANTEED. ]
- There will be days when you watch your son with his friends and you just won’t get it. Boy humor can be ridiculous and their immature humor starts as soon as they can talk. Who knew the love of fart jokes at such a young age. Farts will always be funny. Having to say things like; ‘stop farting in your brother’s face‘ and finding yourself engaged in a game of ‘is it poop or is it chocolate?’, it all can really desensitize a person. You’ll be called poopy head and poopy pants. If you can laugh it off [ and it’s often hard not to ] or you scold the behavior, but you are just giving the poop talk more spotlight. So, try to keep a straight face, because they will use their poop knowledge against you.
- Even if you clutter [ because, lets be real; you have an abundance of not touched toys ] your play room and their bedrooms with toys and stuffed animals, odds are cars and trucks will multiply on their own in your home and boats will line your bathtub. Little boys adore anything that flies, sails, drives, or digs. Dirt, mud puddles, animals of all kinds, natural freaks. Monster trucks, tractors, Hot Wheels EVERYWHERE. Not too glamorous, but so much fun. Entertainment for hours.
- From the moment they wake up in the morning until they pass out at bedtime, boys go-go-go. Sometimes it seems like they have only two speeds fast and faster [ and its nonstop ]. This basically means that your toddler could be sitting on the floor smashing cars together one minute and when you turn your head, he will be off and running. He may not ever slow down, but you’ll learn to pick up your pace.
- They are ALWAYS dirty. My little mud magnets because if there is mud, they will find it. And play in it, and wear it, eat it, everything mud. Bugs, dirt, stains, messy hair, stinky feet, and more love than I could have ever imagined!
- They are such little romantics. As their mother, you are their rock star. They want you to laugh and smile at their jokes. There’s a strong and consistent love that comes from boys from the get-go and it stays there through the long haul of life. Boys always protect the affection they have for their mothers and it rarely seems to diminish. There’s nothing sweeter than the passionate and unconditional adoration a little boy has for his mother. A mother is her son’s standard for what is beautiful. The look of wonder on my sons’ faces when I’ve made an effort with my appearance is worth a thousand compliments from anyone else I know. It’s almost worth having a son just to experience their heartfelt, gushy approval when you’ve dressed up for a night out. They notice every detail and your efforts for those details
Bugs, dirt, stains, messy hair, stinky feet, and more love than I could have ever imagined! As a mom, having a son feels as though the universe has singled you out for something very special. If boys do shorten a mother’s life expectancy there is something for certain: I’d much rather have a short life with the joy of mothering sons than a long life without them in it.