I do not pretend I am anyone else. It is plain and simple, and you get what you see with me. A lot of my friends and family know who I am and how I come off, is exactly how I mean it and there is no justification. Just about all the time [ up until recently ] I put others before myself EVERY TIME and because of that I lost myself many times in the process. I rarely think about myself first, becoming a mother has a great part in that. Because when it comes down to a decision in any circumstance I am usually planning for and with everyone involved and making my decision as to what the outcome is for everyone else and how it will go in every direction possible. I hide my emotions very well, so for that, everyone thought and knew me in a level of certainty. I have many times lost myself in a world full of choosing others before myself. I have made myself second place for a lot of things and certain people in my life assume that second place is where I belong. Sure, I firmly make my own decisions, but everyone expects me to be on the waiting list behind them in my own life. [ my world doesn’t revolve around as many others now ] And when I do step out of line [ in their eyes ], I am a bad person [ for not thinking about others, but I am not sorry anymore ], but from all this what I have learned is that, we don’t need someone else’s permission to go forth with taking the lead in our own lives. We, as in you and I [ one for all and all for one ] need to give our own selves that permission.
What is the permission we are waiting for, before becoming ourselves? Our world, is full of self promoted human beings [ usually throwing hate ]; but the best way to get the support and finding a way to keep it, is by building trust and making boundaries. To make promises and deliver; and you will see that over time, you will have people lining up to follow to you. Trust; [ Faith, trust and pixie dust ] that is how you find eternal links for YOUR life. But trust is not what this post is about, sometimes trying to seek the trustful permission we seek from the people around us puts us three steps further away from uncovering ourselves and stops us from being where we want to be. [ and I don’t mean all the times you are physically lost, drunk, or confused, I mean finding yourself for yourself; and NO ONE else ] You do not have to be who you are today, and your life is not scripted; mix it up a bit, improv. Changing how you feel about yourself means creating a strategy, gathering some new concepts, and making yourself into the person you want to be, or at least working in a forward motion to that person you desire and see yourself to be. Desire can be a powerful motivating tool, but wanting something too much can be very painful and very extensive, so don’t live beyond your means or crave something you can’t achieve. Seek your desire, but keep your integrity. A good way to start, is to stop doing things that hurt. Overcoming fear makes us stronger in the end, and being a little scared can make it easier to understand and admit you have fears to begin with. Because as you go, you will learn things about yourself that you never knew existed. And once you got that under your belt, you can kick some fears to the curb.
Life moves too quickly, sometimes too quickly for our fancy; there are a lot of missed opportunities and many more unexpected things await around every corner for us. We are nowhere near as good as we could be, but we are good enough to start, and that’s enough to put ourselves out there, putting our foot in the door. We often get better as we go. It is scary as much as it is exciting. But usually we come to find an excuse but here is the thing about excuses; they typically don’t go away until you start moving forward [ except when you use an excuse for another excuse, building an excuse pyramid ]. So maybe it’s about time you reevaluate what you have going for you. Keep moving forward [ dwelling on the past has gotten us no where; better yourself. But first take time to heal. And don’t let anyone rush you in that process ], leaving aside the fear and overcoming the obstacles and disruptions that stand in the way. Don’t let life’s changes throw you off track, remember that most extenuating circumstances are usually temporary. [ some last longer than others ] You will learn to be brave in this life changing journey to finding yourself, but you have to make the first move. And when you do, you will get a sense of momentum that will be hard to lose once you start going where you want to go. As you continue you will become a force to be reckoned with, nothing can stand in your way. [ that is of course, if you don’t quit mid sentence. ] Many of us are just sitting in the outfield waiting for the right day to be picked, for the permission to be granted for us to be yourself. We hope someone will give us the keys, the right form of gesture; we hope for an application to present itself or a magical form appears to fill out that will finally qualify us to be who we are. [ Newsflash and point of this all is: YOU DON’T NEED PERMISSION ] We shouldn’t let that mentality happen, we shouldn’t be waiting anymore. Because in the end no one can make that decision for us but us. The world is not out to get us and it does not punish us; we do that to our self. Learning to focus on other opportunities or in another direction can give you some perspective.
“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”
– Babe Ruth
I cannot express the importance of being your own advocate. You don’t have to be perfect, you will fall, trip and stumble along the way; get up, move forward, push yourself. Choose things and people that make you a better person. People and things come and go, let them take their course. Stress is inevitable, but not everything in life must be stressful. What and who we surround ourselves with can either send your stress levels through the roof and break you or they can act as a breath of fresh air. Do something for yourself every day, eventually it will be a life habit. [ and I don’t mean shun the universe, drop your life behind you and expect your life to change for the better; just casually take a lead hand, and do it with confidence ] Because if YOU don’t, nobody else will do it for you. Feel good about yourself for only yourself, no matter what life brings to you, keep moving forward. Know that each time you wake up, you have another chance to make things better. Don’t waste it. Because as it turns out, this idea for us to be our truest selves’ rests entirely on you and me, and our ability to be authentic and true with ourselves. Honestly, is there anything scarier than that?
I doubt it. You do you.