Too many of us feel betrayed at some point in our lives, whether its lying, cheating or broken trust/promises. It can happen in SO many ways, with different people, maybe even at the same time. But wherever it comes from, whatever form it takes, it causes some degree of suffering [ major suffering ].
What is betrayal?
Betrayal is probably the most devastating loss a person can experience. To be betrayed, the person must first experience trust in the betrayed. Trust that was probably hard to find in the first place. It is fairly impossible for you to be betrayed if you did not trust the individual in the first place, an ounce of trust is all you need to begin with. The definition of betrayal involves the act of someone disrespecting your trust in them. For instance, a child is betrayed when he or she is abused by the parents who are supposed to love, support, and protect the child. A spouse is betrayed when their partner has an affair. Betrayal is when someone you trust lies to you, cheats on you, abuses you, or hurts you by putting their own self-interest first. [ without thinking of the trust, faith and loyalty lying within the concept ]
Someone you loved pulled out a knife when you weren’t looking and stabbed you in the back. Betrayal rips apart your heart like nothing else, as anger and grief course through you, leaving you feeling used, cheated, and helpless. With nothing you can do to change how it happen, but somehow in the end you take the blame; you feel the guilt, even when you have no control over actions not made by you. No matter what type of relationship, romantic, friend or parental; the common denominator is trust. Trust defines every interaction in a relationship, it builds intimacy and strengthen bonds. Without trust, no relationship can thrive. Unfortunately for some of us, people don’t always cherish trust the way that they should. It is often given freely at first, so it is also easily taken for granted. When trust has been damaged, it can make a relationship head in a down world spiral and it can be one of life’s greatest challenge. Physical and mental exhaustion; and nearly damn impossible to gain the trust back.
Whether or not trust can be restored depends on how badly it was damaged and how much the rejected person feels betrayal. If you have been victim of having trust betrayed, then you know how hard it is to let go; move on and fix yourself, wit or without your betrayer. More often than not the burned person just wants to cut their losses and end the relationship, but who could blame them? If you so choose to repair the damage, if you want to salvage the relationship and rebuild trust, there are hurdles you need to get over. While the person who damaged the trust has their work cut out for them in earning the trust back to the person who was crushed.
In the not so easy mission to save a relationship, people who have been hurt often bend over backwards to please their betrayer. Why? Because when we have been betrayed or bridges have been burned; the person who hurt us has sent a clear message that on some level we don’t matter to them as much as they mattered to us.
In a rebound state of fear and loss, often translates in to the hurt partying trying to earn back the other person’s good opinion. It’s a knee-jerking reaction and always end in resentment. The best way to start the healing process is to acknowledge that there has been pain, BETRAYAL and a definite loss of trust. One the cards are on the table, everybody will hopefully see the more clear picture of what they need to do to set things right. Know that things will never go back to the way they once were and to keep your eyes wide open to future betrayals; because the sad reality is that once trust has been damaged it can’t simply go back to the way it was, [ not within a blink of an eye at least ] no matter how much both parties may want it. People who do NOT value trust enough to respect it in the first place, more often than not continue that same pattern in the future. [ being a creature of habit, bad habit ] It doesn’t necessarily mean that there will never be any trust again, and that it’s a waste of time trying to rebuild it, it just means that if there is ever a new trust, it has to be different. [ lets call it mature trust, with precaution ]
While trusting a person who has hurt you isn’t possible, it will never be the same wide eyed trust we gain in relationships when they first are let into our lives.
Seeing people for who they really are rather than through rose-colored lenses can be a healthy thing for us to build ourselves. So, when you decide to try to give trust a second chance just know that you will be more sensitive to the prospect of another betrayal and forgive yourself if doubt seeps in without real reason.
Or don’t. Let them suffer. Move on and pursue you. Pursue life without them. Show them their loss, show them what they could have. Betrayal makes you grow, betrayal makes you stronger.
Sometimes, its okay to not be okay. It is okay to have breakdowns and throw fits and throw stuff around. It is okay to get angry and mad and jealous. It is okay to be upset. It is okay to be sick of it all. It is okay to not be okay but its not okay to bend my trust. FUCK YOU!