if overthinking situations burned calories; i’d be dead.

Overthinking is as incapacitating as it is common. It can stop you from enjoying social occasions, it can disturb your sleep, undermine your job performance and even ruin even the simplest thought processes. Typically, it also comes with all the physical discomforts of anxiety [ my unwanted best friend ]. This means that overthinking leaves you not only mentally distressed but also exhausted; extremely exhausted. If this picture sounds familiar, you’re probably in the same desperate boat. However, you may have already tried to change and found it an unbeatable hurdle. [ especially when you’re my size ]

So, what exactly is an ‘overthinking anxiety disorder’? It is getting sucked into obsessive thoughts, but when these thoughts start to consume our lives it turns into a serious, chronic problem, affecting us mentally, physically and controlling our life habits. Some people are more likely than others to suffer this problem. After all overthinking activates the same parts of the brain that are involved in fear and anxiety.

Overthinking.

overthinking

It’s the nights you spend not sleeping as mistakes you’ve made in the past act as an overbearing toxic outbreak in your mind. [ every possibility of what has happened and how it could happen flashes before you, in a silent brain crazed manner ] It’s worrying about things that might never happen as you dwell over the things that have. It’s every fear you have paralyzing you. And as you think more, you hold back tears.

It’s failure becoming your worst reality in your mind. Failing a class. Failing at a job. Failing in your relationships. People who overthink tend to strive for unrealistic expectations of themselves which they want to lead to success. You also want to be able to learn from your mistakes and see them as opportunities for improvement rather than as failures [ but nope ].

But the cost is exhaustion, and the sad attempt of maintaining it. [ I’m a hidden walking example ] It’s being both physically and mentally/emotionally exhausted from your brain never slowing down or shutting off. Ever. Every situation, every resolution or happening powers through the mind, again and again; never ending.

Overthinking is that pause between your texts as you wonder how someone interprets what you said; do they really understand? “everything is going to be okay.”, only goes so far. It’s constantly typing and deleting and sending yet another message because your mind is playing tricks on you, overwhelming you at bay. It’s the constant need for answers and responses just to keep your mind somewhat peaceful and calm. Overthinking is the voice of criticism that is trying to destroy you as it doubts everyone and everything around you [ even when you’ve been reassured every way possible ]. If that’s not enough, it then makes you doubt yourself and second guess everything to do with what you’ve worked for and solidified. You never follow your first instinct when you overthink things, there’s twenty-five different options, and you change your mind every day.

Overthinking is following the damaging path your mind leads you down and you can’t make it stop even if you wanted to, not matter what you do. Overthinking is like a wild fire you can’t ever gain control of and it just destroys everything in its path including you; starting and ending in the ruthless destruction of you. It’s the judicial voice that adheres to the mistakes you have made, only to bring them up later.

Overthinking feels like you’re constantly waiting for something, but you don’t actually know what it is you’re waiting for. But it’s the gut wrenching anticipation for nothing. [ fear itself ] It is like waiting for something to change, for something to go wrong, for someone to get angry, for something to end dramatically and it will be all your fault. Overthinking leads you to be overly cautious with everything. Damaging more in your path because its causing you to tiptoe around everything; like you’re dodging shards of glass beneath you, where any wrong move will lead you to more pain.

Overthinking comes with the constant apologetic feelings; saying sorry countless times, even when you don’t need to say it in the first place but you’re sorry for questioning everything and thinking the worst out of everything and anything. It leads to thinking every harmful scenario you can think of will become a reality. That it will hurt you or others and it will all be your fault. It’s listening to scenarios that are very real in your mind even though to a normal person it’s so out there. [ Repetitive, nonsense. ]

Overthinking in relationships is acknowledging that you aren’t ever going to be the strong and confident one. It’s needing that reassurance for every doubt [ every single one of them ]. It’s needing someone, to be honest, all the time and explain things very thoroughly, multiple times; multiple days because you can’t shake the doubt. It’s the conversations that might be awkward, but that person needs to be able to communicate every last detail. That certain someone who can tell you when something is wrong because if they don’t your mind begins running and spiraling out of control, placing unrealistic thoughts where they don’t need to be. Someone to tell you when you are mad, crazy or absurd. Someone to tell you exactly what they are thinking, even when you don’t want to hear it. Information shared now, relieves the mind later when it is destroying itself. [ reassurance ]. It’s the fights you want solutions to immediately because if you don’t your mind will create ten more problems. Bottom line, it’s the fear of relationships because you need so much in a partner you wonder if you are better off alone, or that the world is better off without you and your negative mind.

How do you even explain to someone it isn’t them you are doubting or don’t trust, it is your mind leading to be so cautious? How do you explain to someone you’re with [ all relationships ] that you need to hear certain phrases over and over again like, “it’s okay” or “we are okay” or “I’m not leaving you.”

Overthinking is caring too much and no matter how much someone else’s opinion shouldn’t matter, or that ignored text shouldn’t even impact you, under your surface, you are wondering what have you done wrong? And what could you have done differently?

The foundation of overthinking is that you just want people to accept you and be happy with you because you are still learning how to be happy with yourself. [ we all have good days and bad days ] It’s choosing words so carefully because you never want to intentionally hurt someone but your want your point across.

Overthinking are the:

…relationships that end and you think it’s you to blame.

…situations you want to fix, but there isn’t even a problem in the first place.

Overthinking is the want and need to control things because it feels like this ‘thing’ in your life controls you. You learn to adapt to this ‘thing’ that hurts to live with but you don’t even remember what it was like to live without it.

And as your mind navigates itself through your ramped up thoughts you’ll find comfort in others who love you through this uncertain flaw and they are there to learn to adapt to having someone like you a part of their life and they are the ones who help you through it, constantly reminding you they won’t leave.

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do no harm; but take no shit.

♥♥

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