sleep doesn’t help if your soul is tired

EXHAUSTION

noun

ex·haus·tion

iɡˈzôsCH(ə)n/

1. A state of extreme physical or mental fatigue

  • extreme tiredness, overtiredness, fatigue, weariness, burnout; “sheer exhaustion forces a person to give up”

2. the action or state of using something up or of being used up completely.

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I know you’re tired. I know you’re physically and emotionally drained from always feeling like you must keep everyone up. Feeling like you have to have everything together every waking moment of the day. It’s okay to be tired; more than okay. You’re allowed to fall apart. The people who love you will welcome your drained spirit with open arms, but you must let them. Even when you feel like you can’t.

I see you. I see how tired you are.  The type of tired that makes your muscles ache and your bones hurt and your brain feel like mush.  The type of tired that causes you to focus solely on how tired you are with little energy to focus on anything else.  The type of tired that allows hitting the snooze button for 5 or 10 minutes more of sleep to trump shaving, or neatly groomed hair, or makeup, or perfectly matched clothes, and matching socks.  The type of tired that ridicules and taunts you; that causes you to think that this will never end. The type makes you think tired is your new normal. The type that weakens your resolve until you compare yourself to other moms, other people. The type that makes you feel not enough, or less than, or like you should be doing more or, worse, better. [ you. just. don’t. know. anymore. ]

The type of tired you are feeling is the accumulation of wanting to give your all, 100%, to too many things work [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ], your children, the extracurricular activities, housework, yard work, making your marriage work; it catches up to you.  And, I see how much you care. I see that you are worried that your tiredness might be negatively impacting your children and your family.  I see how much you love them and how desperately you want to be more available to them. But it is mind over matter and sometimes your mind gets to you, and that’s when things begin to not matter.

I know it feels like no one knows how much you are hurting, and they don’t because you mask it so well. And that’s not fair, to you or to them. It’s not fair that you have to spell it out for people when you need them, but you always know when someone needs you. Forgive them for not seeing the exhaustion or how your smile doesn’t ever reach your eyes. Forgive them for assuming that you never need help because you stay on top of things even on your worst day. Forgive them for not remembering you’re only human. [ an emotionless, stone cold human ]

More importantly, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not reaching your own expectations. Forgive yourself for feeling burnt out, exhausted beyond belief and tired, beyond anything imaginable; thriving to keep moving forward. It is hard to admit the pain and disappointment you are feeling towards yourself, but you must open up. People believe that you are an amazing person and you will accomplish greatness, but you need to cut yourself the same slack you give everyone else. [ perfection ]

I know it feels wonderful to have people acknowledge your hard work, but do not let that be the reason you push yourself beyond your breaking point, or to the point of no return. Tell people you’re tired, let them know that you’re having a rough day because I promise the people who truly care about you will lift you higher than ever before.  But they won’t know unless you let them know. Allow yourself to be tired and get the rest that your body desperately needs.

Being so tired; the exhausting tiredness, that makes it difficult to imagine how you could possibly keep going;

But you must keep going.

As you have always kept going.

And, I see how guilty you feel taking any time to take care of yourself. But it’s time. It is time to go for it. Have a good effing cry, and let it all out. Or take a personal mental health day from it all while your kids are occupied so that you can have uninterrupted time of mindless, television binge-watching. Give your kids the tablet or sit them in front of the television for an hour so you can take a warm shower, drink a hot beverage [ or not ], think, or just be by yourself.  I promise you, it is okay. This is okay. Even if you feel like you are not ready to take care of yourself just yet, BREATHE EASY. Because even at the most exhausted, overwhelmed time; when you are just going through the motions, when you are not sure on how you are going to find the strength to keep moving forward; there are people who still love you.

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Because they see you too. Even when your hiding and too tired for anything else. They see all of you too.

In the end it will all be worth it. But for now, it’s hard. And it’s hard for so many of us in many different ways. We don’t always talk about it, but it’s hard and it’s not just you.

Times will become worse before they get better, ride out the waves.

A reminder of all that gets lost in the black fog. There is a light, and it never goes out, it just gets lost in the fog. You are loved, you are wanted, you are worthwhile, and you are more!

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